Do you ever just look at what the world is coming too and wonder...What the hell?

I am a student of history and I see where I think we used to be back in the 1940's and what was acceptable and tolerated and then today? Where or should I say when did we press the flush button on our society. Typing this I realize that I am no angel. I have done pretty much everything under the sun against morality and am trying to make amends for my actions. I see much clearer than I used too and for that I am thankful and honestly scared.

How do we stand up for our principles in a society that accepts everything and everyone as "being true to yourself"? I do see people with Love and I do pray for our world, but sometimes I ask God if what He asks of us is even possible in this day and age. In know that everything is possible through Jesus Christ and that all we have to do is open up to him and allow him to work in us, but what if we think we are doing that and we get the "Fuzz screen" in prayer? I was told once that if everything is perfect you probably are stalled in your relationship with God, but sometimes I wouldn't mind a little R & R from the battle.

I look at Christ and Mary and Joseph for that matter and their lives. They really don't have a lot of happy moments. I mean, a 16 year old pregnant Jewish girl who claims God is being brought to his people through her? Sounds outrageous. Then, they have to flee because Herod is KILLING all the children. Jesus gets lost and found in the temple, his fathers house of course. Fast forward to agony in the garden, scourging at the pillar, mockery by Pilot's guards, a little way of the cross and a crucifixtion to finish of the human life of God. Not to mention Mary's suffering of her only Son and her husband's death previously to her Sons and you have to wonder how she did it. Grace.

That is the lesson for me and everyone in this world throughout all ages. Grace.

Back to the blog

I seem to have stepped out of the blogosphere for sometime. I am back now.

So here is what has been going on...In the past 7 months my wife and I have been trying to create a little Nowak, seriously no breaks. Unfortuately, we found out that she has PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I have POS or Poor Old Sperm. Basically, our chances of pregnancy are 50/50 when we are optomistic and when we feel pesimistic we have a better chance of eating dinner on the moon's surface.

I just feel so badly for my wife...She has to take these hormones and go through all these tests to figure out what is going on and I have to hand the Doc a cup. On top of all this we work opposite schedules with her on PM shifts and me selling cases of wine and liquor for the drunks in Milwaukee during the daytime. By the way, we are a deeply in love married couple but enough already.

I am just feeling really negative right now and kind of pissed about everything. I don't understand God and who does, but aren't we supposed to ask for understanding? I would like for my wife and I to understand and be at peace with not understanding God's plan. I need to just mentally check out for awhile and just see this all for what it is. A Test.

The funny thing is is that after the past 4 years of reconversion to Catholicism I thougt that I could handle whatever came my way. This however is out of my hands. Very humbling. This is like the essay part of the Test and I am trying to form some sort of B.S. that the teacher will go for, but this teacher is well aware of my B.S. techniques. So what do you do...wait on the Lord.

The truth is when I look at our life we have it better than 99.9% of the world, so how can I really be pissed.