Wisdom?!

As I get older I realize that money isn't everything, but it sure helps.

Allison and I have been going through all this infertility crap and it is frickin draining, both on our nerves and wallet. Seriously, we go in to the doctor...we get bad news...and a bill for a crap ton of money. I think next time I will ask to be puched in the face so I can at least get something for the money.

I am not really mad at any of this, more just frustrated. I mean who am I to decide who gets children and who doesn't. The tough part is in dealing with the fact that we are not in control of everything in our lives. I know that seems obvious but if you really think about it, are you in charge of your breathing? What about your health? The other drivers on the road? when you will die? The point is not to be scared, rather to be aware that you are not the center of the universe. This is not to say that I just say screw it. I have an obligation to work my butt off and be the best that I can be in everything. This obligation comes from within.

God Loves me and you more than all human love combined and because of that love and redemption my obligation is to be to my neighbor as God is to me. That means I do my best with respect to all. I am not the best writer, but I think you get my point.

I ask for prayers during this time and from God I ask that we be filled with joy no matter what, because in the end I just want us all in Heaven. AMEN!

Do you ever just look at what the world is coming too and wonder...What the hell?

I am a student of history and I see where I think we used to be back in the 1940's and what was acceptable and tolerated and then today? Where or should I say when did we press the flush button on our society. Typing this I realize that I am no angel. I have done pretty much everything under the sun against morality and am trying to make amends for my actions. I see much clearer than I used too and for that I am thankful and honestly scared.

How do we stand up for our principles in a society that accepts everything and everyone as "being true to yourself"? I do see people with Love and I do pray for our world, but sometimes I ask God if what He asks of us is even possible in this day and age. In know that everything is possible through Jesus Christ and that all we have to do is open up to him and allow him to work in us, but what if we think we are doing that and we get the "Fuzz screen" in prayer? I was told once that if everything is perfect you probably are stalled in your relationship with God, but sometimes I wouldn't mind a little R & R from the battle.

I look at Christ and Mary and Joseph for that matter and their lives. They really don't have a lot of happy moments. I mean, a 16 year old pregnant Jewish girl who claims God is being brought to his people through her? Sounds outrageous. Then, they have to flee because Herod is KILLING all the children. Jesus gets lost and found in the temple, his fathers house of course. Fast forward to agony in the garden, scourging at the pillar, mockery by Pilot's guards, a little way of the cross and a crucifixtion to finish of the human life of God. Not to mention Mary's suffering of her only Son and her husband's death previously to her Sons and you have to wonder how she did it. Grace.

That is the lesson for me and everyone in this world throughout all ages. Grace.

Back to the blog

I seem to have stepped out of the blogosphere for sometime. I am back now.

So here is what has been going on...In the past 7 months my wife and I have been trying to create a little Nowak, seriously no breaks. Unfortuately, we found out that she has PCOS or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and I have POS or Poor Old Sperm. Basically, our chances of pregnancy are 50/50 when we are optomistic and when we feel pesimistic we have a better chance of eating dinner on the moon's surface.

I just feel so badly for my wife...She has to take these hormones and go through all these tests to figure out what is going on and I have to hand the Doc a cup. On top of all this we work opposite schedules with her on PM shifts and me selling cases of wine and liquor for the drunks in Milwaukee during the daytime. By the way, we are a deeply in love married couple but enough already.

I am just feeling really negative right now and kind of pissed about everything. I don't understand God and who does, but aren't we supposed to ask for understanding? I would like for my wife and I to understand and be at peace with not understanding God's plan. I need to just mentally check out for awhile and just see this all for what it is. A Test.

The funny thing is is that after the past 4 years of reconversion to Catholicism I thougt that I could handle whatever came my way. This however is out of my hands. Very humbling. This is like the essay part of the Test and I am trying to form some sort of B.S. that the teacher will go for, but this teacher is well aware of my B.S. techniques. So what do you do...wait on the Lord.

The truth is when I look at our life we have it better than 99.9% of the world, so how can I really be pissed.

Trip to the Philipines

Well, we leave on wednesday morning on a trip around the world. I am quite excited and blessed to have such an opportunity. How many people get to do this? Imagine what our kids will be able to experience.

The first leg of the flight is an 18 hour trip to Hong Kong. Then a 2 hour flight to Cebu city and a 2 hour bus ride to Delagute. Man, I love international travel. What I really love is seeing the people of a different country. We all go through the same tests, trials, joys, and experiences in life. They are just on a different level or experienced from a different perspective. It really makes me feel connected to every person. I challenge the 1 or 2 people reading this to see the stranger as their brother or sister today. Doing this isn't easy but it is the right and just thing to do. We may not feel like it, but hey if I did everything I feel like doing I would be in prison or dead! We should treat everyone like we wish to be treated and that is how you make the world beautiful.

We have a new president. I pray that he will really look into the issues that made America great. The current feel in the U.S media is that "we" as America have lost our way. I think that that is false. A vast majority of Americans know exactly what and who we are. How we became great and what it takes. When these journalists live and breath amonsgt each other it is like a feeding frenzy of lies and fear. The ironic part of this is that the media is the one who lost its way and are so detached from the rest of us that they think we're nuts!

On the issue of Abortion:

The Marist College Institute of Public Opinion conducted the survey between September 24 and October 3. Some 60 percent of Americans say abortions should never be allowed or only in the rarest of circumstances, such as rape and incest, that constitute less than two percent of all abortions nationwide lifeNews.com Oct.14, 2008

Yet we just elected a president by nearly the same percentage who feels that abortion should be a deeply personal decision. I don't know how to explain this other than the public is not truly informed on who is running. The fact he is of course neglecting is the second paragraph of the Declaration of Indepence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Okay, I am not saying abolish the government, however I am saying alter it. Considering that the government is being destructive to the unalienable right to Life. Regardless of what "pay grade" you have or religion or lack of religion you have, the human being is a human being at conception.

Member of human Being as defined by the dictionary: a member of the species to which men and women belong. Latin Home Homo sapiens.

go to for scientific explanation on when life begins: http://www.spuc.org.uk/ethics/abortion/human-development

Blogosphere welcomes balding white man

I have succomed to the blog bug. My brother Rob has a blog and I really enjoy the topics and insight that we may not normally be able to have about other people. I wanted to write my first entry about something...something, relevant.

It is advent, the 4 weeks before Christmas, and it is a time when we reflect and prepare ourselves for Christs coming. Like during Lent, we repent and do penance for our sins and rejoice in the coming of our Lord. I was thinking about how for 9 months the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying around God. She could feel the Child within her, kicking, growing...what an amazing experience. Yet she did it with all humility and selflessness. Immediately after hearing from the Angel Gabriel that She would bring the Savior of the world into the world, she goes to assist her relative who is pregnant with John the Baptist. When the time came for Jesus to be born all that was available was a stable. The King of Kings born in a barn, amongst swine? Ironic isn't it that the very reason for his coming is to save all of us who have been that very swine. Whether it is pride, envy, lust or the other deadly sins, he comes to tell us, "Hey, I have you, just turn to me."

In the past 3 years I have realized through no effort of my own that He does have plan for all of us. The problem is when I focus on myself, I block the view of His plan for me.